I was clearing out my email account & found two amusing replies I received (to enquiries I had made) which I thought I'd share. Both were, unsurprisingly, in regard to copies of The Silmarillion I was trying to purchase.

You have obviously forgotten, although I haven't, that you already asked me all this stuff once before, at which point you subsequently mailed me again some time later requesting clarification as to which copy was the one I had listed for sale.

You clearly have very specific requirements regarding a copy of "The Silmarillion" and an abundance of patience when it comes to making enquiries to find it. I, on the other hand, just can't be bothered answering the same questions more than once when I know the buyer didn't bite the first time around and most likely won't this time either.

Sun, 6 Jul 2008

You are a little out of touch with postal rates – if I cut the packing to an absolute minimum – I might just squeeze it in at 745 grams and so the postage would be £2.75.

You drive a hard bargain – you can have it for £10 all-in – one consolation (for you) – is that you do not have to hear the cries of my children – for bread

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Thu, 30 Dec 2010